Friday, January 27, 2017

Something Special Wasn’t Quite as Special as I’d Thought

Be a kinkster long enough to reach a certain age, and you get used to the typical cycle that happens with a new kink, or partner, or toy. First, the excited anticipation. Then, the thrills of early success. And after that, the inevitable bumps in the road.

In the end, my experience with the Ghost 300 from Custom Chastity was like that.

Of the few issues that did eventually crop up, I’d actually expected most of them. The gap between the cage and the base ring, for example, would have been better at 13 mm rather than the 10 mm I’d ordered. So the beginnings of skin irritation I experienced in that area are on me. And inside the cage itself, the beginnings of skin irritation on the bottom of the shaft itself, just below the tip, also weren’t quite unexpected. Minor things, these two, and things that Custom Chastity’s later advice regarding gap size, lube, and “manscaping” would most likely take care of.

The main issue I hit turned out to be the design of the cage itself.

Rather than the “straight-line” design shown on their website, the cage I actually received has a pronounced curve on each side (much more sharp and pronounced than any of the other curves on it). Looking down on it from above, this gives an almost “manta ray” appearance. Very artistic, and very cool. As I learned later, this is apparently the new, standard design for the Medium-size Ghost cage. Hopefully, Custom Chastity will update that size-comparison photo and the other Ghost images to reflect this new design, or indicate that at least for the Medium, the Ghost you receive may differ from what you were looking at when ordering.

I actually do love the look of this design, and in all honesty, I still would have ordered and tried the Ghost even if I’d seen those side wings, not expecting the problem they turned out to be for me. That opening on each side is somewhat large, and while my length turned out to be a good fit, my girth is apparently a bit too wide for the Medium. So when any teasing or arousal happens, the attempted erection tries to push the shaft out through and around those openings—and those curved wings just start digging in, especially at the lowest part of each curve. The skin irritation at those locations was of a very different quality and degree than at the others I’ve mentioned, and I quickly realized this design would serious limit the usability of my Ghost 300 to a only day or two at a time.

Not what I was hoping for, obviously. Especially given the price I had paid.

Not surprisingly, this led to a good deal of back and forth with Custom Chastity. The Ghost is an extremely well-constructed product, no question, and the Internet has no lack of people reporting great success with their Custom Chastity products, especially the truly "custom" devices. And it’s entirely possible that my contact at Custom Chastity and I had very different communication styles. Either way, I found the correspondence increasingly frustrating.

Questions needed to be asked more than once before getting an answer, it seemed. The issue of the curved design (the major comfort/wearbility issue for me) also seemed to be dismissed at first, with the comment that nobody else had ever complained. After asking for and reviewing pictures of the cage’s fit on me, their advice (the lube and manscaping mentioned above) ignored the issue with the curves as well, while saying the fit itself looked fine. Two e-mails later, they finally acknowledged my problem with those curves (reiterating that I was the first and only customer to complain about them) and explained it was in fact a girth/fit issue.

To their credit, Custom Chastity did offer to produce a truly custom cage for me at a reduced price. I eventually declined, though, partly out of it simply not being practical for me to spend another large sum so soon after having just spend one, and partly out of frustration with how things had been handled. No one who pays any company more than $200 for something wants to feel like their major problem with the product is either being dismissed (as I felt happened at the start) or ignored (as I felt happened in their advice). Especially when the original design still shown on their website may well have mitigated the issue and provided more wearability.

In the end, I can’t really recommend a Custom Chastity device, given my own experience. But I also can’t really not recommend one, either, given the obvious quality construction of their products and the success and good experiences others I know have had. I may well be an outlier here, or just a bad customer/supplier match versus their usual clientele. That does happen, sometimes.

And unfortunately.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Formative Kink: “The Happy Hooker”

When my older sister left for college, her room became a treasure ground for a certain boy-man hitting puberty but not old enough to drive to that Adult Bookstore just outside town. Those early Elton John and T. Rex albums were fun, sure, but the real gold was a complete set of Xaviera Hollander’s Happy Hooker paperbacks.

My sister’s collection was so complete, in fact, that she even had the book by Larry, also known as “The Silver Fox” and “the man who spent over 3 years living & loving with the incredible Xaviera, in which he tells how he satisfied her needs—financially, emotionally and sexually.”

For those who aren’t of a certain age, Xaviera Hollander was a bit like a sex-positive, more-personable, 1970s version of Heidi Fleiss, but with better business sense and a distinct lack of Charlie Sheen. I always had the sense that you could invite Xavier to your family dinner, and your devout grandmother would probably end the evening still disapproving yet utterly charmed. (Try that with Heidi, and everyone would spend desert worrying about Adonis DNA and tiger blood.)

Xaviera was a secretary, a call girl, a madam, and definitely an inspiration to my older sister—not that I’ve ever asked her, even to this day, which areas specifically Xaviera inspired. And in a very real way, the Happy Hooker books were my true sex education. I’d already started my second pass on the collection by the time my school’s “Health” class got into the biological nuts and bolts of things and my mother bought me the very dry and forgettable Boys and Sex paperback. Xaviera (or her ghostwriter), however, taught me the what, the where, the how, and also the why, even if I was still a shy nerd-boy who wouldn’t have a chance to put any of this into practice until years later.

Xaviera dealt with kink and fetish as well ... which leaves me a bit ashamed to say that as far as details on that score, I only remember one particular episode. And that episode was rather formative in a bad way.

As I remember it now (several decades later), Xaviera had spent a solid day (and maybe evening) being dominant and satisfying her kinkier clients’ kinkier needs. By the end of her last appointment, all she wanted to do was go home and have some straight, simple, vanilla sex to unwind. Only her man at home (I don’t remember if this was “The Silver Fox” or someone else) happened to notice the belt she was wearing.

“That’s a beautiful belt,” he told her, or something to that effect. “It would look great tying up my balls.”

That’s resconstructed paraphrase, yes. Memory is the first thing to go once you hit a certain age. But you get the gist of the situation. Xaviera was utterly disappointed, maybe even angry, at this turn of events. And so was I, but at Xaviera.

At the time, I was still trying to wrap my head around these kinky, submissive desires of mine. I was trying to see them as a good thing, as something that didn’t make me less of a person in some way. And up to that point, Xaviera’s books were so sex positive—but in a way that worked for me, like rough hot sex without a meaningful spiritual encounter could be positive, too—that I was floored when I read that part. Because if even Xaviera could react badly to a kink, what chance did I have in my future and, hopefully, fetish-filled sexual life?

True, even then I realized, somewhere, that her problem was the timing and not the actual kink. But even if she didn’t think the kink itself was “bad,” how would I ever know if the timing was right? Women were already utterly inscrutable to my hormone-addled, boy-man brain. So if I had to negotiate a proper-kink-timing minefield as well, that did not bode well.

I got over it, obviously. And as I gained a few more years and some maturity, I realized how very real and even valuable that scene was. And it was probably the biggest lesson I actually learned from those books. Because even today, living in an almost-FLR with my wife in complete control of my sexual release, some days or nights she’ll just want something simple, something vanilla.

And so will I, though admittedly not nearly as often.

Thanks, Xaviera. Not that I could have said it then.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

“Hit the Road, Jack”

Was I born too early? Was I born too late? Either way, I doubt I would ever be dumb enough to two-time three Forties-styled women in sort-of uniforms at their own concert.

So many kink buttons pushed...

Monday, January 16, 2017

Elust #90

Welcome to Elust 90-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #91 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Conflicted part 1


Happy Endings

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Please You to Please Me

How to suck my cock - part 1 (attitude)

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Visions of Sugarplums

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Writing About Writing

The Curious Case of Trigger Warnings
Writing About It All

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Reader Q&A: Dominant women struggle, turn-ons
Chastity Questions
Not every hole is a goal

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Picture is Worth...
Morning Stretch
Lovemaking Almost Too Brilliant To Describe
The GP
I Want
Indescribable Pleasure
Humiliating an ex-Nazi: Raylene's 2nd dozen
I love big, fat dicks

Erotic Fiction

Dude, You're Wet!
When Love Becomes a Weakness
On a Silver Platter
The Silent Treatment
A Seasonal Affair
Three in a Stall
Schoolgirl Uniform
The New Principal 4: Escape

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Retentive Or Just OCD?

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

BuzzFeed Femdom


Mistletoe: A Lusty Limerick

Friday, January 13, 2017

Island Morons, Part III

Are you serious, Jimmy? That fetish website sent us to an island of Femdoms with no Femdoms, took our money, and now the site itself doesn’t even exist! What part of us being ripped off aren’t you getting?”

“Don’t kinkshame me, Miggs.”

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Something Special Is Being Worn

It took a few days, but I’m finally wearing the Ghost 300 from Custom Chastity. The wait was worth it, too, and not just because that dinner with old friends involved a lot of hugging and lifting people off the ground. The Ghost is the least obvious cage I’ve ever worn, but hugs would still have been a giveaway.

With 16 hours under my belt (so to speak), the Ghost puts every Chinese knock-off I’ve ever worn to shame. And probably the more expensive cages I haven’t tried, too, or so I’d wager. First off, it’s light and comfortable. My range of motion is almost completely unrestricted (depending on how tight my jeans are), and with very little pinching or pulling. I’m aware of the Ghost, but not in the same way I’ve been with a heavier metal device. Gravity can be a bitch with those, especially when sleeping. I always had to wear boxer-briefs to bed with those, just for the support to keep that weight from shifting rather uncomfortably, and uncontrollably each time I did. The Ghost was fine with just loose sleep pants.

Did I mention this thing is light and comfortable?

It’s also extremely effective, as I learned last night when my wife decided to put it to the test. Or just make use of it. And me. The sizing of the cage let me have just enough of an erection to remind me (constantly) of what I was missing. Admittedly, having been on the “honor system” for most of our contract made last night (and then this morning, yes) a very different experience for me. I’d be lying if I said I knew how much of the extra charge was Ghost-specific and how much was simply from being caged again and left frustrated and denied once she was satisfied and done with me.

Probably a mix. But the Ghost was definitely in that mix.

Sleeping was a much easier experience than I’d expected, too. The times I did wake up were the times my body really, really wanted an erection and I was frustrated as hell. But the experience was more sexual denial rather than denial plus outright physical discomfort from the cage. There was discomfort, true, but the kind I actually wanted. Good pain, not bad.

The cage design made hygiene in the shower easy as well. I did notice one spot on the outside of the cage near the tip seemed a bit rougher afterward. I honestly don’t know whether that’s something I didn’t notice at the start or my own fault for having the hair dryer set on medium rather than low. So far, that’s my only complaint—and I’m not even sure it actually is a complaint yet. [ETA: That actually is part of the layering construction/design of the cage that I simply hadn’t noticed earlier. And the inside of that area is perfect. So no problem, issue, or complaint here. At all.—Declan]

So for now, so far so good. And for the next week or so, it’ll come off once a day to check the skin and such, but this trial overnight was successful enough that I handed all of the keys to my wife this morning.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” I told her, with as much seriousness as I could muster. “And great opportunity for abuse of authority. So come to the Dark Side. Our women have more orgasms.”

Then we both tried not to laugh.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Island Morons, Part II

“I still don’t see no Femdoms, Jimmy. I think that kinky travel website lied and took our money.”

“We got the wallet rinse for free, too?! I love this place!”

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Something Special Arrived Yesterday

The Ghost Starter Set arrived yesterday, and in much less time than I’d expected:

Thank you, Custom Chastity, for such great service. And thank you, Chaste Giles, for your glowing reviews of the truly custom device you purchased from them. I never would have known about this company without you.

Shamefully, I haven’t tried it on yet. Vanilla life has been getting in the way. I’m already close to being in love just with the look of it, though. And with the color. And with the eggshell- or orange peel-like texture of it.

The rigidness definitely surprised me at first. Knowing that the Ghost is made of surgical nylon rather than plastic or steel, well, the phrase surgical nylon conjures up an almost subconscious expectation of softness and give. Seeing their video of a car driving over one of these cages, only to have the cage pop right back into shape once the tire rolls on, played into that as well. Rigidness is good, though, given what the device is for.

The first “scare” with it has already happened, too. As suggested by the company, I ran it through the normal dishwasher cycle after opening the box. Little did I know that afterward, my wife would take it out of the machine to examine it more closely while I was still doing other things. So when I finally came to get it, the silverware cages where the pieces had been were standing wide open, and the pieces of the device itself were nowhere to be found.

First, I looked for the pieces somewhere in the machine. Then, I looked again, more frantically. Then, I nearly tore the dishwasher apart, all while trying to figure out how the pieces might have somehow gotten inside the dishwater machinery. Until I finally, frantically wondered if something had gone terribly, horribly wrong and the entire device had god forbid melted away into nothingness.

“It’s on the counter over there,” my wife finally told me. “I wanted to look at it.”

Yes, the Ghost isn’t even locked on me yet, and she’s already torturing me with it. I am so screwed...

Monday, January 9, 2017

Island Morons, Part I

“I don’t see no Femdoms, Jimmy. That website promised this island resort would be full of hot and horny Femdoms.”

“I know, Miggs! And we didn’t even have to shell out extra for that Tease & Denial package!”

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Perils of Labeling, Part II

And the new yet increasingly narrow and specific labels just keep coming, again with Danny DeVito and that other poor guy:

Our linguistic world just keeps turning...

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Art of Fapping

Me: Which story were you working on last night?

My Wife: The lactation one.

Me: Nice. Ready to read soon?

Her: No, not for a long time.

Me: Oh.

Her: My problem is I can’t just write a fap piece, I’m trying to make art.

Me: …

Her: Although fapping is encouraged.

[Cross-posted from Kepl3rian.]

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The Perils of Labeling, Part I

You know you’ve hit a certain age when you can no longer keep up with the various terms and labels for the seemingly ever-increasing diversity of human sexuality, at least when it comes to the exponentially multiplying number of current terms and labels. For me, that downward slide began the first time someone identified himself to me as a “primal.”

I had no idea what the hell he was talking. And I’m still not quite sure even now.

You know you’re hitting a very certain age when your seven-years-younger, more-clued-in-than-you-ever-were wife also starts having trouble keeping up with the various exponentially multiplying terms and labels, too. She’s still doing better than I am, though. And definitely better than Danny DeVito:

Part of me suspects many of the people using these new terms and labels don’t quite know what they actually mean, either. And that some just want to have their own, “cooler” term for something my generation knew by a different name.

Then again, I am of a certain age...