Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Yes, I am...

Yes, I am…

…still alive.

…still kinky.

…still writing.

…no longer quite so stressed, at least workwise.

…finally slipping into a long-term, more-manageable life groove (I hope).

…soon to be posting again.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Elust #96

Welcome to Elust 96-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #96 Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Loop

Yellow Cab Service

Pammy Corrigan Gets Her Wish

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Luring Him Back

Date Night

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

International Chocolate Day 2017 (it was fucking brill)

Erotic Fiction

Good Example - Part II
The Legend of Lyonesse
Broken to Be ~ Part 6
Star Talker: Part 1: Attack
Sex Magick

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

What gets me going
Top Ten Tips For Finding A Dominant Woman

Erotic Non-Fiction

BIG BOYS DON'T - Breaking down
Wank Bank Deposits
To All The Girls I've Loved Before - Thankyou
Erotic Transference. Falling For My Therapist
All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go

Body Talk and Sexual Health

A change would do you good...
Well in Hand


A Memory of Master Aryn



Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Good news for elderly: Sex robots in nursing
Reasons not to work for News Corpse

Thoughts &Advice on Sex & Relationships


Monday, July 10, 2017

George Clooney’s Batsuit Is Jealous

If Joel “Batman & Robin” Schumacher ever directs a remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still, I have no doubt this will be Gort...

Photo taken at the Wolfsonian Museum in Miami. Go see this thing, and everything else there.

Monday, July 3, 2017

A Memory of Master Aryn

“When you bury a king, it must be done right. This weekend, we did it right…”

My wife and I attended two memorials this weekend. Both were for Master Aryn Blaque.

Others can (and should) describe his impact on the LA public kink scene, and many did both nights. Stories were told about how, with Club Fuck and the back room at Sinamatic in the 1990s, he either shaped or even outright created the public scene that continues on here today. They described a teacher, a mentor, a play partner, an artist, and someone who had an effect that rippled outward, not just from person to person but to a degree even those who knew him well didn’t seem to realize until one speaker after another shared similar experiences.

I didn’t speak either night. Partly because I’m still the introvert I was back when I first met him. But mostly because I knew him the least of anyone there, either night, and wanted to hear more from all of them. But a conversation Aryn and I had 16 years ago, almost to the day, kept coming back to me. And deep in the second night—during the memorial play party at Sanctuary Studios where nobody really wanted to stop sharing memories of him to actually play—I realized the effect that conversation had on me was anything but unique.

At the time, I was this young, introverted guy who had never been public about fetish or kink, especially after a certain “munch in hell.” These had been a mostly secret side I revealed to every girlfriend at some point and then went on to share with the select few who didn’t immediately walk out the door in disgust. So apart with a few sessions with pro-Dommes in my twenties, I had never been to a fetish club, or a play party. And then, somehow, I found myself picking up stakes and moving across the country for this amazing woman I had met on Alt.com.

Unlike me, she had been in the public kink scene for years and was a regular at Sinamatic. Almost as soon as I landed, she started taking me out with her. And one of the first people I ever saw perform a scene publicly (aside from her) was Master Aryn.

I had never seen anything like it. Or him. It wasn’t just the technique, or the showmanship, or the kink itself. Even today, I still can’t put into words what made him him on that stage. But as one speaker said both nights, it really was like watching some “BDSM god.”

I remember thinking something similar that night, watching him. And then having the sinking realization slowly dawn, not just in my head where I already knew it but down in my gut where I could feel it, that the woman standing beside me, who I had just moved several thousand miles for and was talking about having me top her at some point, too, had played with him repeatedly. And on stage.

My God, I thought, watching Aryn. Do I have to live up to this?

The nerves just built from that moment on. Everything about public kink was new to me, remember. And more than a little nerve-wracking. The second-guessing started soon after that, too. What had I been thinking, that little voice nagged inside my head, imagining I could walk into this world of hers, and his, and expect to find a place there?

Then Aryn finished his scene. And he left the stage. And he came over to talk.

However well he knew my future wife, he didn’t know me. And he had absolutely nothing to gain from treating me well, either. I was nobody, as at least one particular fetish-club asshole had already tried to impress upon me. So I stood there, watching this BDSM god who seemed at least three times my own slight frame coming our way, and prayed I wouldn’t embarrass myself, or my then-girlfriend.

Thirty seconds later, I knew everything I needed to about what kind of man Aryn really was.

Because within 30 seconds of talking with him, the nerves and the second-guessing were gone. He had me feeling not only like I belonged, but that I had as much right to be there as everyone else with their years of experience and fetish-wear I could only hope to someday afford. I had absolutely nothing to give or offer him, yet he somehow gave me everything I needed that night.

The nerves about measuring up as a Top came back eventually, of course, but she and I got through them. And I’m not suggesting my wife and I are only together now because of Master Aryn Blaque. He was one of the stones in our foundation, though, because he made an overwhelming and often-confusing time much easier for me, whether he even realized it or not, which in turn made other things easier as life rippled on down the line.

I wish I could have told him that. And that I had known him as well as everyone else on that stage, both nights, did.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


Currently swamped with work right now, though my few regular readers have probably already assumed that.

Which means I could start blogging again on a daily basis tomorrow.

Or not.

We’ll see...

Monday, May 22, 2017

“Don’t Talk PSA”

I want this shown in every single theater across this great nation.

Every. Single. One.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

When Good Dolls Go Bad

Ever wondered what you would get if you threw together a couple of 1/6-scale dolls, a Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey Motivational Figure, a spare hour, and two kinky minds?

My wife and I did, and this was our result...

Try as we might, his drill instructor hat would not stay on for this one...

Drop and give her twenty (minutes on your knees)...

Turnabout is fair play, yes?

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Elust #94

Welcome to Elust 94-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #95 Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Always Coming Second


THREESOME - the card game

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The #500words Project ~ 2

#Pussy Pride

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

No Eligible Posts

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Finally A Prostitute
On Display
World Traveller
Ms. Mona's Online Dating School for Dudes

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

BDSM is Not My Source for Life.
Pure and Simple
Discussing Consent & Scene Negotiation

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

You can
All for one, or one for all...
He haunts me.

Erotic Non-Fiction

Oh no, I'm not.
the shoot begins
Raylene's pain does not matter


White Tee Shirt

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Orgasm Challenge

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A Kink Couple Fantasize About the Waitstaff

Monday, May 15, 2017

Home Office FLR Blues

My Wife: “You don’t get to cum until you shred all those papers piling up in our office.”

Me: “Telling me that would have been a lot more effective three hours ago... You know... Before --”

Her: “It’ll be even more effective three weeks from now, too.”

Me: [pause] “You make a compelling case.”

Her: “Shut up and shred.”

Monday, May 8, 2017

“50% Off Mail Order Bride”

It will only take a few moments (if even that) to realize why this little gem of a short fits right in on this blog.

You get what you pay for. But what a way to go...

Thursday, May 4, 2017

A Kinkster Couple Fantasize About the Waitstaff

Bartender: “Here you go!”

My Wife: “Thank you.”


Me: “I really want to spank our bartender.”

My Wife: “Oh, God! Me, too!

Me: “I bet she kicks her feet during it.”

Her: “I love when they do that.”

Me: “And you could hold her in place with one hand, she’s so petite.”

Her: “Stop!”

Me: “I so married the right woman.”

One Night Later...

Waitress: “Enjoy!”

My Wife: “Thank you.”


Me: “I don’t want to spank our waitress.”

Her: “No?”

Me: “I want to flog her.”

Her: “Oh. Oh, yes. It’s the back, isn’t it?”

Me: “All tall and lean.”

Her: “I love flogging backs that are all tall and lean.”

Me: “I bet her shoulder blades show just enough for targeting, too.”

Her: “Let’s eat fast and order something else so she’ll come back.”

One Night Later...

My Wife: “Eating at home feels so vanilla now.”

Me: [*sigh*]

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The One Reason I Still Watch...

...Once Upon a Time isn’t the music. Or the increasingly convoluted, awkward, and what-the-hell-are-they-thinking? storylines.

It’s Lana Parilla’s gloriously Femdom-charged Regina, the Evil Queen, whether singing or not.

In fairness, Robert Carlyle has remained consistently watchable, too.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Clarity, and Lack Thereof

My Wife: “Do I need to worry about you when I go out tonight?”

Me: “Only that I might break down and... well... you know...”

Her: “That’s what I was talking about.”

Me: “Oh.”

Her: “Because I would be very disappointed if you didn’t save yourself for me.”

Me: “Does that mean when you come back—”

Her: “I didn’t say that.”

Me: “Oh.”

Her: “But I do want you to live up to your promise. The one you put in writing? The one we both signed? Remember?”

Me: “I remember.”

Her: “And?”

Me: “And I won’t disappoint you.”

Her: “Good. Because I would be angry, too, if you did. I’d get over it, of course, but you would need longer to get over the punishment. Are we clear?”

Me: “Yes, Ma’am.”

Her: “Good. So long as we’re clear.”

Me: [pause] “So what would the punishment be?”

Her: “Some things are better left unclear.”

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Fetish Rewrite XXVIII

“A puppy to play with, you say? How sweet! Of course, I don’t really have time for such things myself, but I’m sure Papa would be thrilled. He misses Isis so much, you know...”

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

“Mistress Angelica Reads...”

I’m going to have to buy a copy of this book...

To put your minds at ease, I have no plans to post videos of myself reading my own books.

You're welcome.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Coffee, Kink, and Aeroflot

This morning started like most others. The alarm beeped. I stumbled downstairs. The coffee maker started with the push of a button, and I opened the BBC News app on my phone while I waited and tried to focus, because I still refuse to get bifocals. Only this morning, instead of the latest signposts on our alleged road to the supposed End of All Things, something else caught my eye.

Russia’s Aeroflot Airline Accused of ‘Sex Discrimination’” the headline read

Truthfully, though, the photo of several extremely attractive flight attendants was what really caught my eye.

I’m a problematic man, I know.

Then again, before that first coffee, I never really do much more than skim anyway. And standing there, waiting for that first coffee and for my wife’s tea to be ready, my kinkster mind quickly went off on a well-worn tangent featuring dominant flight attendants, seats with extra restraints (that must be worn at all times), and several United Airlines jokes I refuse to repeat here.

I used to love flying, back in the days before consistently overbooked flights, little or no legroom, and most especially, the TSA. You know, back when airlines and the FAA trusted passengers with actual silverware. And when passengers didn’t travel in pajamas.

And on my fantasy version of Aeroflot, which exists only in my kink-addled brain, I still do—even if those flights never quite go “smoothly” for me, either.

BBC News, Aeroflot, and kink. Some mornings just turnout that way...

RELATED: “Airline Femdom


Monday, April 17, 2017

Elust #93

Welcome to Elust 93-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for

Pushing Past


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Contract
Speaking Truth to a Submissive Heart
Subjugate U

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Jerking off to be banned under Texas bill
That Time Steve Bannon Destroyed Me
How to program a sex robot

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Effortless Connections & Harmonious Energy


A Love Affair, From A to Z: “A” – Always
Scouting: A Lusty Limericks

Erotic Non-Fiction

Conflict(ed) part 2
It's All About The Feet
Oral Birthday Fun ~ The Glorious Sixty-Ninth!
I Will Do...
The subtle threesome


Eroticon 2017 - I Herd U Lieks It

Body Talk and Sexual Health

photo shoots past and future

Friday, April 14, 2017

The Truth Comes Out

“Wait, my parents are Russian spies? Oh, thank God! I thought they were kinky role-playing swingers!”

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Switch Solutions

My Wife: “You’re still under contract, just so we’re clear.”

Me: “But yesterday we—”

Her: “Are we clear?”

Me: “... yes, ma’am.”

Her: “Good. You like being under contract, don’t you?”

Me: “I like clarity in our positions.”

Her: “You’re like a dog that way.”

Me: “And I see what you did there.”

Her: “Good boy!”

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Switch Problems

My Wife: “So where are we kinkwise right now?”

Me: “I’m...not sure.”

Her: “Neither am I.”

Me: “...”

Her: “...”

Me: “...Huh.”

Her: “...Yeah.”

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

What Your First Sexbot Will Really Be Like

No matter how many fantasies I’ve had about how that first time with my future sexbot will go—and I’ve had a lot of those—the reality will probably be more like this:

Check those privacy settings, people!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

For Those Few Actually Wondering...

Continuing home-rehab projects, multiple termite woes, rescheduled paying work, and a certain unavoidable civic obligation have all conspired to keep me “blog silent” lately.

A return to form—or something passably resembling “form”—will hopefully take place shortly...

Monday, March 20, 2017

Elust #92

Welcome to Elust 92-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced

NEEDY - a black obsession


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Anatomy Lesson
Town whore

Erotic Non-Fiction

The good girl pledge
Good Boy
From Headache to Clit Ache
Daytime: A married Valentines fantasy
Unlocking the Man…with Pieces of Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Three's Company
I hate the "One Size Fits All" approach
Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction
How great would it be if...


Roadside Stand: A Lusty Limerick

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Dirty Money


Looking back at our Eroticon Weekend

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Waiting and waiting and waiting

Thursday, March 16, 2017

“more humiliation for mr smith”

If anything, the text-to-speech acting is even “better” in this one than in the first. And are you sure this isn’t actually an unaired episode of some Seth MacFarlane comedy?

Modern family life is so complicated these days. Especially with that “new trend in Sweden”...

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Termites Are Not My Monster Fetish

Me: “This house, I swear. One day, it’s my pride and joy. And the next, it’s my cross to bear.”

My Wife: “Termites? Again?”

Me: “Again!”

Her: “But termites eat wood, so at least your cross will be lighter.”

Me: “Yeah, until it breaks and the top part lands on my head.”

Her: “Well, you do have a monster fetish.”

Me: “Termites are not tentacles!”

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

200 Posts

This is the 200th post for Kinkster of a Certain Age...

Thank you, everyone, who stuck around after the first hundred. And thank you, everyone else, who somehow found your way here during the second.

Monday, March 13, 2017

“the feminization of mr smith”

I’m not sure which aspect of this video is my favorite. The goofy animation? The abrupt yet somehow perfect musical interludes? Or maybe the text-to-speech voice “acting”?

Either way, I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in a very long time during a break from an impending deadline. Or enjoyed this kind of “charming earnestness” in a long while when it comes to kink.

My wife and I really need to get to church. Or make one of these animations ourselves...

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Because Magic Always Comes with a Price

That moment when, after years of perilous questing and arcane research, the Kink Genie finally grants your deeply held monster-plant fetish...

...and promptly ruins it by making sure the bondage is really unsatisfying and lame.

Magic (and kink) always comes with a price, dearie...

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

“You’ve Got a Kink”

Not exactly how my own kink awakening went...

...but we all need a little help from our friends sometimes, especially at the start.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Recent Conversations With My “Forgetful” Domme

Friday Morning

Me: You forgot to unlock me last night.

Her: No, I didn’t “forget.”

Me: So, you’re home today, right, and can unlock me now?

Her: No. Enjoy.

Me: But—

Her: Love you, bye-bye!

Saturday Morning

Me: You forgot to unlock me again last night.

Her: I was tired.

Me: Too tired to turn a key?

Her: Too tired to find it.

Me: So, you’re home today, right, and can unlock me?

Her: I’ll let you know when I want you.

Monday Morning

Me: Hey, she forgot to lock me up before she left for work today!

Thursday, February 23, 2017

And Back in the Cage I Go

My wife has been at home on a sabbatical for half a year. That’s a lot of togetherness when you also work from a home office. But it also made enforcing our contract much easier. Especially when my restraint from orgasms has usually been a matter of will power, or the honor system. Rebellion at least seemingly has different consequences when she’s right there, after all.

That will power is harder to muster when she’s not around, though, especially when I hit the seven-day or later mark of her denial. Maybe because of those ever-present “I could get away with it” thoughts, even if I know the guilt would get me later. Or maybe because when she is around during the day, there’s always the hope that she’ll grant permission, so the pressure lessens a bit.

The last few months, I could also—and have—text or call and ask for permission when she’s been out. Only once can I remember the answer being “yes,” but the possibility was there. And she was generally available to respond. And quickly.

This week, my wife went back to her own office. And the cage went back on.

For me, the Ghost 300 may not work 24/7 beyond two days or so, but it does work wonderfully for a day. Like yesterday. When she asked if I needed the cage to avoid “slipping up,” given that we’re well past the seven-day mark at the moment and that she’ll rarely be able to respond to a call or text with any kind of promptness now. So I was honest, and told her I needed it.

So the cage went on, right before she left for the day. And it didn’t come off until we both crawled into bed for the night, last night. Not that I even bothered to ask for permission, given the day I knew she would have on the morrow and the uninterrupted sleep that she would need. Admittedly, 30 minutes of unsatisfied erection later, I was reconsidering that decision. Not that I would have dared wake her up at that point.

And the cage went on this morning also, again right before she left.

The feeling is different this time compared to the others. I do still have that heightened sense of and focus on her, of course. Each hug or touch or even casual brush of an arm or a leg is a full body and mind experience, and damn near overwhelming. And waking up last night at 4 AM with her body against mine had me on the verge of tears, from love as much as frustration, as it has so many times before.

This time, though, I have no idea where the emergency key is. And know that I might not be able to get a quick answer if I need it. We’ve always been more RACK than SSC, but there is a bit of nerve-wracking reality to this now. And the much more powerful feeling that this really is “her” lock on the cage and “her” cage on me.

And sitting here, midway through the second day of this, I’m realizing just how much I’ve craved that feeling. Especially now. We’ve both wondered how the end of her sabbatical would affect this ever-changing dynamic our contract started. And the cage is a minute-by-minute reminder of the control I signed away to her, even if she isn’t actively exercising her authority.

Some part of me knew I would need that, as our schedules changed. Maybe even more than I needed the cage back on to avoid actually “slipping up.”

Part of me hopes this will be a permanent rule now, too, whenever she’s out of the house. Even if another part of me fears it. Because for the first time, I really have no way out of this cage, not unless and until she decides. Just like I always wanted.

Careful what you wish for, right?

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

“How to Train Your Dominatrix”

I may have to find and play this game...

...if only for the hilarious dialogue translations.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Fetish Rewrite XXVI

Her: “I’m from the Agency. Your men are down. Your alarms are disabled. No help is coming. If you want to live, do exactly as I say.”

Him: “Oh, really? Well, you just go right back and tell the Agency that I specifically requested a blonde for this role play. A blonde!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Elust #91

Welcome to Elust 91-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #92 Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Forcing Growth

In Stitches

The Instrument and the Ornament

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Imagine? You Might Wish You Hadn't!

she's picture perfect

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Morning Stretch

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Amber alert
Spanking: Chapter One
'How To' Femdom Series
Play it safe
Formative Kink: "The Happy Hooker"

Erotic Non-Fiction

Follow Your Heart
Humiliating Raylene: Kissing Lynette
THREESOME - prepared
Leaving Questions Unanswered

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Genital shame in the news
Cock and Balls Sling Demonstration


Chastity, No Boner: A Lusty Limerick
Roleplay (inna damp, dark alley)

Erotic Fiction

Portraits of You
Words of Fuck

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Nothing good can come from this
UNCLEAN: Dirty, Sweaty, Filthy, Messy Sex



Tuesday, February 7, 2017

The Obligatory Kinky Superbowl Commercial Post

I am not a football fan. In fact, I didn’t know this past Sunday was the Superbowl until, well, this past Sunday. The last time I can remember even giving the NFL any real attention at all was during the Michael Vick days. Because dogs.

Even now, I couldn’t tell you which team won. Though I gather a come-from-behind victory was involved, and that the half-time show again honked off a big chunk of people, if apparently not the chunk I would have expected given Lady Gaga on the stage. 2017, man. It’s enough to make a person nostalgic for a good wardrobe malfunction.

At some point, I even stopped paying attention to the commercials. Fortunately, paltego over at Femdom Resource was paying enough attention to flag a certain T-Mobile ad:

Personally, I like the second one even more, if only because my first job was as a phone rep on a 1-800-number customer service line:

I still remember a lot of callers from those days. And not one of them ever treated me like that.


Monday, February 6, 2017

Fetish Rewrite XXV

That moment you realize the new client’s secret-yet-public scene is at the relocated office of the company you worked for before your current fetish career...

Friday, January 27, 2017

Something Special Wasn’t Quite as Special as I’d Thought

Be a kinkster long enough to reach a certain age, and you get used to the typical cycle that happens with a new kink, or partner, or toy. First, the excited anticipation. Then, the thrills of early success. And after that, the inevitable bumps in the road.

In the end, my experience with the Ghost 300 from Custom Chastity was like that.

Of the few issues that did eventually crop up, I’d actually expected most of them. The gap between the cage and the base ring, for example, would have been better at 13 mm rather than the 10 mm I’d ordered. So the beginnings of skin irritation I experienced in that area are on me. And inside the cage itself, the beginnings of skin irritation on the bottom of the shaft itself, just below the tip, also weren’t quite unexpected. Minor things, these two, and things that Custom Chastity’s later advice regarding gap size, lube, and “manscaping” would most likely take care of.

The main issue I hit turned out to be the design of the cage itself.

Rather than the “straight-line” design shown on their website, the cage I actually received has a pronounced curve on each side (much more sharp and pronounced than any of the other curves on it). Looking down on it from above, this gives an almost “manta ray” appearance. Very artistic, and very cool. As I learned later, this is apparently the new, standard design for the Medium-size Ghost cage. Hopefully, Custom Chastity will update that size-comparison photo and the other Ghost images to reflect this new design, or indicate that at least for the Medium, the Ghost you receive may differ from what you were looking at when ordering.

I actually do love the look of this design, and in all honesty, I still would have ordered and tried the Ghost even if I’d seen those side wings, not expecting the problem they turned out to be for me. That opening on each side is somewhat large, and while my length turned out to be a good fit, my girth is apparently a bit too wide for the Medium. So when any teasing or arousal happens, the attempted erection tries to push the shaft out through and around those openings—and those curved wings just start digging in, especially at the lowest part of each curve. The skin irritation at those locations was of a very different quality and degree than at the others I’ve mentioned, and I quickly realized this design would serious limit the usability of my Ghost 300 to a only day or two at a time.

Not what I was hoping for, obviously. Especially given the price I had paid.

Not surprisingly, this led to a good deal of back and forth with Custom Chastity. The Ghost is an extremely well-constructed product, no question, and the Internet has no lack of people reporting great success with their Custom Chastity products, especially the truly "custom" devices. And it’s entirely possible that my contact at Custom Chastity and I had very different communication styles. Either way, I found the correspondence increasingly frustrating.

Questions needed to be asked more than once before getting an answer, it seemed. The issue of the curved design (the major comfort/wearbility issue for me) also seemed to be dismissed at first, with the comment that nobody else had ever complained. After asking for and reviewing pictures of the cage’s fit on me, their advice (the lube and manscaping mentioned above) ignored the issue with the curves as well, while saying the fit itself looked fine. Two e-mails later, they finally acknowledged my problem with those curves (reiterating that I was the first and only customer to complain about them) and explained it was in fact a girth/fit issue.

To their credit, Custom Chastity did offer to produce a truly custom cage for me at a reduced price. I eventually declined, though, partly out of it simply not being practical for me to spend another large sum so soon after having just spend one, and partly out of frustration with how things had been handled. No one who pays any company more than $200 for something wants to feel like their major problem with the product is either being dismissed (as I felt happened at the start) or ignored (as I felt happened in their advice). Especially when the original design still shown on their website may well have mitigated the issue and provided more wearability.

In the end, I can’t really recommend a Custom Chastity device, given my own experience. But I also can’t really not recommend one, either, given the obvious quality construction of their products and the success and good experiences others I know have had. I may well be an outlier here, or just a bad customer/supplier match versus their usual clientele. That does happen, sometimes.

And unfortunately.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Formative Kink: “The Happy Hooker”

When my older sister left for college, her room became a treasure ground for a certain boy-man hitting puberty but not old enough to drive to that Adult Bookstore just outside town. Those early Elton John and T. Rex albums were fun, sure, but the real gold was a complete set of Xaviera Hollander’s Happy Hooker paperbacks.

My sister’s collection was so complete, in fact, that she even had the book by Larry, also known as “The Silver Fox” and “the man who spent over 3 years living & loving with the incredible Xaviera, in which he tells how he satisfied her needs—financially, emotionally and sexually.”

For those who aren’t of a certain age, Xaviera Hollander was a bit like a sex-positive, more-personable, 1970s version of Heidi Fleiss, but with better business sense and a distinct lack of Charlie Sheen. I always had the sense that you could invite Xavier to your family dinner, and your devout grandmother would probably end the evening still disapproving yet utterly charmed. (Try that with Heidi, and everyone would spend desert worrying about Adonis DNA and tiger blood.)

Xaviera was a secretary, a call girl, a madam, and definitely an inspiration to my older sister—not that I’ve ever asked her, even to this day, which areas specifically Xaviera inspired. And in a very real way, the Happy Hooker books were my true sex education. I’d already started my second pass on the collection by the time my school’s “Health” class got into the biological nuts and bolts of things and my mother bought me the very dry and forgettable Boys and Sex paperback. Xaviera (or her ghostwriter), however, taught me the what, the where, the how, and also the why, even if I was still a shy nerd-boy who wouldn’t have a chance to put any of this into practice until years later.

Xaviera dealt with kink and fetish as well ... which leaves me a bit ashamed to say that as far as details on that score, I only remember one particular episode. And that episode was rather formative in a bad way.

As I remember it now (several decades later), Xaviera had spent a solid day (and maybe evening) being dominant and satisfying her kinkier clients’ kinkier needs. By the end of her last appointment, all she wanted to do was go home and have some straight, simple, vanilla sex to unwind. Only her man at home (I don’t remember if this was “The Silver Fox” or someone else) happened to notice the belt she was wearing.

“That’s a beautiful belt,” he told her, or something to that effect. “It would look great tying up my balls.”

That’s resconstructed paraphrase, yes. Memory is the first thing to go once you hit a certain age. But you get the gist of the situation. Xaviera was utterly disappointed, maybe even angry, at this turn of events. And so was I, but at Xaviera.

At the time, I was still trying to wrap my head around these kinky, submissive desires of mine. I was trying to see them as a good thing, as something that didn’t make me less of a person in some way. And up to that point, Xaviera’s books were so sex positive—but in a way that worked for me, like rough hot sex without a meaningful spiritual encounter could be positive, too—that I was floored when I read that part. Because if even Xaviera could react badly to a kink, what chance did I have in my future and, hopefully, fetish-filled sexual life?

True, even then I realized, somewhere, that her problem was the timing and not the actual kink. But even if she didn’t think the kink itself was “bad,” how would I ever know if the timing was right? Women were already utterly inscrutable to my hormone-addled, boy-man brain. So if I had to negotiate a proper-kink-timing minefield as well, that did not bode well.

I got over it, obviously. And as I gained a few more years and some maturity, I realized how very real and even valuable that scene was. And it was probably the biggest lesson I actually learned from those books. Because even today, living in an almost-FLR with my wife in complete control of my sexual release, some days or nights she’ll just want something simple, something vanilla.

And so will I, though admittedly not nearly as often.

Thanks, Xaviera. Not that I could have said it then.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

“Hit the Road, Jack”

Was I born too early? Was I born too late? Either way, I doubt I would ever be dumb enough to two-time three Forties-styled women in sort-of uniforms at their own concert.

So many kink buttons pushed...

Monday, January 16, 2017

Elust #90

Welcome to Elust 90-

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #91 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Conflicted part 1


Happy Endings

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Please You to Please Me

How to suck my cock - part 1 (attitude)

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Visions of Sugarplums

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Writing About Writing

The Curious Case of Trigger Warnings
Writing About It All

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Reader Q&A: Dominant women struggle, turn-ons
Chastity Questions
Not every hole is a goal

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Picture is Worth...
Morning Stretch
Lovemaking Almost Too Brilliant To Describe
The GP
I Want
Indescribable Pleasure
Humiliating an ex-Nazi: Raylene's 2nd dozen
I love big, fat dicks

Erotic Fiction

Dude, You're Wet!
When Love Becomes a Weakness
On a Silver Platter
The Silent Treatment
A Seasonal Affair
Three in a Stall
Schoolgirl Uniform
The New Principal 4: Escape

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Retentive Or Just OCD?

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

BuzzFeed Femdom


Mistletoe: A Lusty Limerick

Friday, January 13, 2017

Island Morons, Part III

Are you serious, Jimmy? That fetish website sent us to an island of Femdoms with no Femdoms, took our money, and now the site itself doesn’t even exist! What part of us being ripped off aren’t you getting?”

“Don’t kinkshame me, Miggs.”

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Something Special Is Being Worn

It took a few days, but I’m finally wearing the Ghost 300 from Custom Chastity. The wait was worth it, too, and not just because that dinner with old friends involved a lot of hugging and lifting people off the ground. The Ghost is the least obvious cage I’ve ever worn, but hugs would still have been a giveaway.

With 16 hours under my belt (so to speak), the Ghost puts every Chinese knock-off I’ve ever worn to shame. And probably the more expensive cages I haven’t tried, too, or so I’d wager. First off, it’s light and comfortable. My range of motion is almost completely unrestricted (depending on how tight my jeans are), and with very little pinching or pulling. I’m aware of the Ghost, but not in the same way I’ve been with a heavier metal device. Gravity can be a bitch with those, especially when sleeping. I always had to wear boxer-briefs to bed with those, just for the support to keep that weight from shifting rather uncomfortably, and uncontrollably each time I did. The Ghost was fine with just loose sleep pants.

Did I mention this thing is light and comfortable?

It’s also extremely effective, as I learned last night when my wife decided to put it to the test. Or just make use of it. And me. The sizing of the cage let me have just enough of an erection to remind me (constantly) of what I was missing. Admittedly, having been on the “honor system” for most of our contract made last night (and then this morning, yes) a very different experience for me. I’d be lying if I said I knew how much of the extra charge was Ghost-specific and how much was simply from being caged again and left frustrated and denied once she was satisfied and done with me.

Probably a mix. But the Ghost was definitely in that mix.

Sleeping was a much easier experience than I’d expected, too. The times I did wake up were the times my body really, really wanted an erection and I was frustrated as hell. But the experience was more sexual denial rather than denial plus outright physical discomfort from the cage. There was discomfort, true, but the kind I actually wanted. Good pain, not bad.

The cage design made hygiene in the shower easy as well. I did notice one spot on the outside of the cage near the tip seemed a bit rougher afterward. I honestly don’t know whether that’s something I didn’t notice at the start or my own fault for having the hair dryer set on medium rather than low. So far, that’s my only complaint—and I’m not even sure it actually is a complaint yet. [ETA: That actually is part of the layering construction/design of the cage that I simply hadn’t noticed earlier. And the inside of that area is perfect. So no problem, issue, or complaint here. At all.—Declan]

So for now, so far so good. And for the next week or so, it’ll come off once a day to check the skin and such, but this trial overnight was successful enough that I handed all of the keys to my wife this morning.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” I told her, with as much seriousness as I could muster. “And great opportunity for abuse of authority. So come to the Dark Side. Our women have more orgasms.”

Then we both tried not to laugh.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Island Morons, Part II

“I still don’t see no Femdoms, Jimmy. I think that kinky travel website lied and took our money.”

“We got the wallet rinse for free, too?! I love this place!”

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Something Special Arrived Yesterday

The Ghost Starter Set arrived yesterday, and in much less time than I’d expected:

Thank you, Custom Chastity, for such great service. And thank you, Chaste Giles, for your glowing reviews of the truly custom device you purchased from them. I never would have known about this company without you.

Shamefully, I haven’t tried it on yet. Vanilla life has been getting in the way. I’m already close to being in love just with the look of it, though. And with the color. And with the eggshell- or orange peel-like texture of it.

The rigidness definitely surprised me at first. Knowing that the Ghost is made of surgical nylon rather than plastic or steel, well, the phrase surgical nylon conjures up an almost subconscious expectation of softness and give. Seeing their video of a car driving over one of these cages, only to have the cage pop right back into shape once the tire rolls on, played into that as well. Rigidness is good, though, given what the device is for.

The first “scare” with it has already happened, too. As suggested by the company, I ran it through the normal dishwasher cycle after opening the box. Little did I know that afterward, my wife would take it out of the machine to examine it more closely while I was still doing other things. So when I finally came to get it, the silverware cages where the pieces had been were standing wide open, and the pieces of the device itself were nowhere to be found.

First, I looked for the pieces somewhere in the machine. Then, I looked again, more frantically. Then, I nearly tore the dishwasher apart, all while trying to figure out how the pieces might have somehow gotten inside the dishwater machinery. Until I finally, frantically wondered if something had gone terribly, horribly wrong and the entire device had god forbid melted away into nothingness.

“It’s on the counter over there,” my wife finally told me. “I wanted to look at it.”

Yes, the Ghost isn’t even locked on me yet, and she’s already torturing me with it. I am so screwed...

Monday, January 9, 2017

Island Morons, Part I

“I don’t see no Femdoms, Jimmy. That website promised this island resort would be full of hot and horny Femdoms.”

“I know, Miggs! And we didn’t even have to shell out extra for that Tease & Denial package!”

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Perils of Labeling, Part II

And the new yet increasingly narrow and specific labels just keep coming, again with Danny DeVito and that other poor guy:

Our linguistic world just keeps turning...

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Art of Fapping

Me: Which story were you working on last night?

My Wife: The lactation one.

Me: Nice. Ready to read soon?

Her: No, not for a long time.

Me: Oh.

Her: My problem is I can’t just write a fap piece, I’m trying to make art.

Me: …

Her: Although fapping is encouraged.

[Cross-posted from Kepl3rian.]

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The Perils of Labeling, Part I

You know you’ve hit a certain age when you can no longer keep up with the various terms and labels for the seemingly ever-increasing diversity of human sexuality, at least when it comes to the exponentially multiplying number of current terms and labels. For me, that downward slide began the first time someone identified himself to me as a “primal.”

I had no idea what the hell he was talking. And I’m still not quite sure even now.

You know you’re hitting a very certain age when your seven-years-younger, more-clued-in-than-you-ever-were wife also starts having trouble keeping up with the various exponentially multiplying terms and labels, too. She’s still doing better than I am, though. And definitely better than Danny DeVito:

Part of me suspects many of the people using these new terms and labels don’t quite know what they actually mean, either. And that some just want to have their own, “cooler” term for something my generation knew by a different name.

Then again, I am of a certain age...